Saturday, Oct. 11, the Chicago Cubs were swept by the Los Angeles Dodgers in the first round of the National League Divisional Series. Immediately following that loss, a series of emergency and non-emergency calls were placed to the Chicago Police Dept. regarding erratic and possibly violent behavior around the city and elsewhere. Police believed the loss had driven some literally mad (not mad-angry, mad-crazy). The transcripts read as follows:
This is an official 2nd Opinion Sports Fiction Report.

It's week six, and by now you should be seeing the teams that will make the run and the teams that . . . well, maybe next year. Lots of good games will be on, so watch for big scores. This is especially true if you have anyone on Dallas, Arizona, Washington, or New Orleans, to name just a few. Let me give you the real winners for week six.

All right, so I was a little off on last week’s fantasy football predictions. What was I thinking, telling you guys Tony Romo wouldn’t have a good week? The bright spot is for all you Desean Jackson fans, who I gave you last week, and who finally reached the end zone. I am ready for week five now and prepared to help you get a “W” in that win column for your league.

Week four is up and ready to roar! Have you found your sleeper pick yet? Are you glad you took a chance on drafting Matt Forte? Has Peyton Manning hurt your season yet? Let’s get started on this week’s fantasy football picks.