CHICAGO, IL — Cubbies Ace Carlos “Move It” Zambrano, while stretching to pull out a bunt single in the fifth inning on Sunday, feigned a hamstring injury to lull his opponents into a lackadaisical slumber, and then pouncing on them when they least expect it.

“I put these guys right where I want them,” said Zambrano, donning a mischievous grin, and a big bag wrapped around his leg that said ‘ICE.’

“It’s not ice,” the pitcher whispered. “It’s packing peanuts.”

Filed away in the ‘Just Crazy Enough to Almost Work’ category, Zambrano thinks gimping around for a couple of months may be a way to counter the fates closer toward the post-season.

“Everybody loves a comeback story,” said Zambrano, walking with a cane on the wrong side. “When I come back around September, we should be lulling around in contention for a wild card spot. Then everybody will love Carlos when he comes back every fifth game.

“That’ll show em,” Zambrano confidently concluded.

Cubs 1B Derrek Lee, who hit a grand slam after Zambrano played possum, says that he didn’t know Z was faking, but was really super cool with him just playing regularly.

“I can’t be expected to hit grannies every day,” said a wide-eyed and angry Lee. “What the sh*t, man.”

But skipper Lou Pinella says he’s encouraging the unorthodox behavior from his fast-baller.

“Some people call me unorthomodoxical,” said Pinella. “I once shaved the opening line-up into my chest hair and made the bat boy recite it to the scorekeepers. And we almost won that gam—.”

Pinella was unavailable for further comment, as he was incapacitated and prostrate, lying in a pool of his own nachos.

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